Friends and connections

Think about when there's time for all your family to spend time together, because this can actually be the tricky bit. Our kids are often really busy between them, then our own work schedules can definitely impact available time too.

Sometimes it might be an after school, or chunk out part of the weekend, and know that sometimes there will be interruptions, but otherwise make this a priority.

Before approaching the kids have a few ideas of activities they will enjoy up your sleeve to kick things off, and then work together to create a list of things to do ongoing. You might want to come at it that this week you'll 'try' heading off to the beach and see if that's fun, the following week it might be you get out the boardgames...

if these have fallen by the wayside, then get back together over kai. It just gives you some time together and it's an opportunity to hear what they're up to and listen to what they're into.

It's here too that you can talk about introducing family time and ask for their input. Be sure they have a say in what you do and if you all can't think of anything, spend some time over your laptop or phones checking out our collection of Adventures, where you can search for activities suitable for High School kids. 

Sometimes it helps to invite one of their friends along, to keep them enthused. Once your family time is established though, they won't always need this buddy.

Watch some old video clips or get out some old photo albums (if you can track them down!). Sit on the sofa together and re-watch memories of when your now teenager was a baby, toddler, young kid & remind them how much fun they used to have with you, and their younger siblings.

Expect some grumbling, but talk about how important this is for you. Perhaps even take responsibility for it not occurring regularly til now.

Sometimes too it's not that they don't 'want to,' it's that they would just prefer to sleep in, play on devices and not bother getting dressed! And sometimes they don't even they don't even know what they are feeling - their go to is to just say no or resist. Be patient, compromise on the activity but not the time.

Lead by example and stick to the schedule so that you're showing your kids that your family time is important and prioritised.

It's going to take some patience and persistence though.  It may take some time and effort to get your teenagers on board with your family activities, but don't give up. Keep trying new things and showing them that spending time as a family is a valuable and enjoyable experience.

Let your house be a hang out for your teen and their friends. Keep the pantry stocked with simple (and where possible healthy) snacks. Anna says she made the bedrooms food free at about this stage to encourage teens to interact more with the family, but when friends were about this meant they spend more time. in the kitchen and dining room. This meant more opportunities to hear what was going on for them and their friends and just general engagement. 

Make time for their friends too. Offer to drive them places, or take them home. These are all opportunities for connection with them, and their family and means you're more likely to be contacted when they need advice or help.

This can be super tricky when your child heads to high school, when we (as parents) are often further removed from this community, but when new friendships for our teens emerge.

When your teen is invited to a sleepover and you're not overly sure of the friend or their family. Ask for their mum or dad's number and check in. Sometimes our kids will 'tell us they're with their friend' but actually aren't, and when if we ring their number this provides no clues!

It's kind of nice to reach out to our kid's friend's parents too - they'll be going through much the same stuff and talking teens can be really reassuring or validating. Use the number to give them a call, book a coffee in, or host a BBQ.

Remember, the closer this circle, the safer your kids.

They may look like they don’t want to hang out with you, but they do!

Chat in the car, spend time at the end of their bed, ask them to help clean up the dishes after dinner. Create a 'space', and just wait for the conversation to begin around homework, who they’re snap-chatting, what's happening at school… whatever it is, it’ll come.

Create some family time too - see our ideas about this above.