Big emotions?
So normal! Here’s the stuff that’s good to know from the research, including why it’s this way and why you need to stick with them:
Emotions
1. Be supportive
First up, we know from the research that teens who have a positive relationship with their parent/s, as a result, have a protective buffer against adolescent mental illness. Interesting eh?
But it’s true - teens with high levels of parental support in their world in turn reduces their risk of depression, as well as their levels of ‘risk-taking’ behaviour (Sutter, 2016).
2. Brain development
The teen years are a big brain developmental time - part of this development means that emotions are heightened during adolescence.
Dr Daniel Seigel (who we highly recommend) describes this as e-MOTION - their brains preparing them for independence (in motion), and being hyper-alert of others is part of this.
But, they’re not that great at it yet, so it also means that teens sometimes misinterpret neutral situations as negative.
You may have examples of this. You’ll find yourself saying things like: "I don’t think he meant it like that."
3. Modelling our own reactions
It’s clear that being "emotional" is just part of adolescence. But how can we help when reasoning is tricky?
Well, as parents we have to act as the "balance" for them - reacting and behaving in ways that they can see and even-out their own reactions.
It’s like when we’re scared, we look to others to see if they are too - same thing. Amazingly too, how we react and support our teens when they’re experiencing big emotions (for example, exam stress), and how we support them through this time (or otherwise) will have an important impact on how they perform.
In some ways, it comes down to us "modelling appropriate emotional responses". The golden rule seems to be – whatever it is, keep your cool! (Sutter, 2016).
4. The self-conscious teen
Our teens analyse their own interactions with others. They are sensitive to each other’s emotions, expressions, and opinions, but can also place more emphasis on how they think others perceive them. So it's important to try and clock the self-conscious response you may be noticing from your teen.
This heightened sensitivity tends to taper off around the time teens hit the age of 17 (ish). (Nobilo, 2017). Phew!
5. Support, support, support!
Remember that teens still need on-going support and guidance from you.
This is a time when we can make the mistake of assuming teens don’t need as much monitoring or can cope alone or with their "all-important" friends.
They’re not ready yet - so keep actively parenting, even if they look like they don’t need you. They actually do! The research says so. (Nobilo, 2017).