We know it can be hard to talk to our kids about sex, but it's important to provide them with the right information and support. Otherwise, where do you think they're gong to go for the lowdown? Here are some tips to help you navigate those hard-to-talk-about topics.
We would recommend that you don't wait for your teenager to bring up the topic Because this may never happen. Instead,just initiate the conversation in a relaxed and open manner.
You could start by saying something like, "Hey, I know this might be a bit awkward, but I want to make sure you have all the information you need about sex and relationships."
Listen to them without judgement. They might have questions or concerns that you hadn't considered. It's going to be important not to dismiss their feelings or experiences, even if they differ from your own. Try to understand where they're coming from and offer support and advice based on your own knowledge and experience. Or 'look it up' together! The giggles might be worth it!
Encourage your teen to ask questions and sound anything out. Let them know that you're there to support them, no matter what. Be honest and open about your own experiences, but remember to set appropriate boundaries and respect your teenager's privacy.
Remember that talking about sex and relationships is an ongoing conversation. It's not a one-off event. Keep checking in with your teen and be available to answer any questions or concerns they may have. And if they're looking unsure or uncomfortable, there's no shame in seeking help from other adults that they have a good rapport with (a cool aunty!), or youth line.
Unfortunately in our New Zealand context, drinking alcohol during our teen years is so normalised, despite all the best neuroscience research showing us that it's too early for the brain to manage.
So in terms of alcohol (and drugs),, we can't stop our kids from being around it and probably having it made available to them, but if we keep the dialogue open, we can support them to make good decisions around it, and if they don't, support them to next time. Because there will be a next time, hey?
I's important to establish open and honest communication with your teen, and come from a place of interest and curiosity, rather than being the expert, lecturing about the dangers, or bragging about your own teen alcohol and drug experiences - all of these will potentially stop your teen talking to you, only support them to keep things secret or exacerbate a problem that wouldn't have existed otherwise.
Let them know that they can come to you without fear of judgement or punishment if they ever find themselves in a difficult situation involving drugs or alcohol. This creates a safe environment where they feel comfortable talking to you about anything.
It's going to be hard to convince your teen to make good choices around drugs and alcohol if you're not following those same guidelines yourself. If you drink, make sure you're doing so responsibly and not to excess. Remember that actions will always speak louder than words.
Often for us, and our teens we're curious about what the danger are of alcohol and drugs, so here's an opportunity to explore together.
"You know what, I worry a bit that you've got these parties coming up and you probably wonder too what the big deal is. Should we look it up? You get your phone, I'll get mine and let's see what we find."
We love Brainwave Trust Aotearoa information on adolescence.
One of the risks is our teens using alcohol or drugs to manage stress, difficult emotions or the need to 'fit in' with peers. Support them to find healthy and productive ways to cope with stress and boredom.
Encourage them to pursue hobbies and interests that they enjoy, and help them find healthy ways to manage stress, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature.
Peer pressure is a major factor when it comes to drug and alcohol use. Check that their friends share their values and interests, and who support them in making good choices.
If not, chat with them about your concerns. Check that they feel comfortable around their friends and how they might manage if things got tricky at a party or their friends undermined their choices to not drink or smoke weed.
It's okay to come from a place of concern. It's up to our teens sometimes to let us know they have some strategies, and hear them say that they'd "give us a call" if needed.
if you suspect that your teenager is struggling with drug or alcohol use, have a loving and concerning chat with them. There are many support services available in New Zealand, such as Youthline and Youth Health clinics - we love 298. Otherwise your family GP can be great too.
Early intervention can make a huge difference in preventing long-term harm.
