Wellbeing

Agreeing on a time when tech comes out of the bedroom (model good tech practices as a general rule). We say this both because of the stimulation, temptation to stay up gaming or chatting to mates but also because the blue light from the screen can really mess with their sleep patterns, making it hard to nod off.  

Rather than tech, make sure there are actual books to read for them, in bed. This can really support sleep (and learning!). Add in a bedside lamp, to make it cosy.

At this stage our teens' brains are going through a lot of changes, and this can really affect their sleep patterns. For one thing, their body clocks can be all out of whack, making' it tough for them to get to sleep at a reasonable hour.

Plus, their brains are working overtime, absorbent like a sponge, learning new things and processing information at a rapid rate. This means they can get pretty worked up about things, whether it's school, friends, or family stuff, which can keep theem awake at night.

And then there's hormones, which can cause emotional swings and making it tough for them to relax. It really is like their brains are on overdrive, and they just can't switch off!

So, it's up to us to support them. Encourage good sleep habits, stick to the routines and hear them out when they talk to us about feeling stressed or worried. 

Beyond what we say there's some really great books on our near teens. We love Girl Stuff Kaz Cooke, Brainstorm by Daniel Siegel and The Teenage Brain: A Neuro-Scientist's Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents by Frances E Jensen. Any of these you can pick up at good NZ book stores or Audible.

Praise your kids when they make efforts to sleep well and look after themselves.

Check-in regularly to see how things are going - there might be other stuff keeping them awake. Having trouble sleeping is quite normal when we're stressed or too much sugar or caffeine can really rev them up.

Do we need to shout that louder at the back?

One of the greatest impacts on our kids' mental health and wellbeing is having a supportive adult they trust, can talk to and they feel has their back. That means they feel they can come to you when the shite hits the fan. This means you've got to be their parent, and guide them in their choices, but also be non-judgmental when they stuff up.

Because we all stuff up sometimes. That's because we're human.

Teens mental health and wellbeing is protected and cared for in the same ways ours is. If we're not having enough fun, working too hard, are too stressed, aren't spending time with friends, aren't getting outside or taking part in things we enjoy, then our mental health and wellbeing will be compromised.

So if your kids don't have a balance of fun and learning, then put some things in place to support this. Start the kōrero about what you're noticing, let them know you're happy to support them to go out with buddies, join those groups, go for walk... 

Put some routines or structure in place or re-set it so there's enough downtime, but that doesn't always look like parties or devices!

Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword for teenagers. While it can drive them to achieve great things, it can also cause stress, anxiety, and burnout. As a result, it's important to support our kids to let go of perfectionism and find balance in their lives. Here's our tips:

• Give them permission - this might be super tricky for perfectionist parents, but life is so much more fun when that isn't the goal! If your kids are super stressed and you're worried about this, this is enough to let them know that lowering the bar is okay. They might be looking for your permission to.
• Encourage effort, not just outcomes - emphasise the importance of doing your best, rather than achieving a perfect result. 
• Help them set realistic goals - help them break down larger goals into smaller, more manageable steps.
• Foster a growth mindset - encourage them to see mistakes and failures as opportunities for learning and growth. Success is not about being perfect, but about learning from setbacks.
• Model self-compassion - be mindful of the language you use when talking about yourself and your own achievements. Acknowledge your own imperfections and treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
  
  

And the reason we've honed in on perfectionism... because it doesn't align with having good levels of resilience. So perfectionism, be gone!!

There are two main models of wellbeing that we refer to in NZ: 

The 5 ways to wellbeing

This is made up of 5 simple things we need to get into our worlds in order to continue to give our wellbeing a boost. It's recommended we do all these 5 things a little and often. They are:

• connecting with others
• learning new things
• being active - even just 15 minutes a day will support our wellbeing
• taking notice, being mindful and present
• giving our time and presences - this is the 'being kind' winning way to wellbeing, volunteering, helping...

It's a great model to reflect on and work out where we could do with focussing on a bit more.

Whare tapa whā

A really great model created by Mason Durie to support hauora - overall health and wellbeing and we love it too. It considers our health and wellbeing as a whare with four (whā) sides or pou and that in order for out overall well-being to be in good shape all of the four components must be strong. These are:

• taha wairua - the health of our spiritual beliefs and wider meanings, and our mindful self 
• taha whānau - the health of our whānau connectedness
• taha tinana - our physical helath
• taha hinengaro - our mental and emotional health

We can use this model to identify any part of our health that need more support or nurturing.

The definition of wellbeing is 'feeling good and functioning well'. That's kind of cool, because it's so simple and makes it easy to 'check' whether our kids wellbeing seems okay - are they feeling good? And you can always ask and are they able to do the things they need to, want to and said we would?

So the buffers against mental illness for anyone (not just our teens) are:

• having support, but for teens it's particularly important that this comes from their parents
• having self compassion, knowing life comes with shitty bits, understanding that mistakes are normal and that we can learn from them and the shitty bits aren't forever - these are all signs of resilience
• doing the things that make us feel good - connecting with others, spending time learning new things (school, hobbies, interests) being active in some way and spending time outside, being mindful (listening to music, enjoying the sunset, noticing the rainbow, dew or sun on our backs or actively practising mindfulness through meditation, mindfulness practices or yoga and being kind in some small. meaningful way. We might call this last thing (kindness and giving), having a sense of purpose. 
• we would add in here - enough sleep and good kai, which you'll also find some tips for in the high school wellbeing section of our website

And if your teen knows that these are the things that support the feel good and function well, then they have what they need to continue to support this ongoing. 

Any concerns though - reach out to your GP.